Helluva Thing

So Friday I had MRI’s to see what is going on in my neck since September 2009. I’m seriously feeling the effects in my biceps, my triceps and in my hands. I’m dropping things like a fiend. What used to be an abstract concept, losing my ability to make art, is fast becoming concrete. No more abstraction when one can only partially feel one’s hands.
Not that I, or anyone else for that matter, cut me any slack. In fact, there are those who hold me up to impossible standards, that no one could realistically live up to.
These same people are very negative stakeholders in my life; they have gleefully caused me and the husband some serious trouble. I’m hoping that whatever the doc has to say on the 22nd, that it does not leave my husband vulnerable to these negative stakeholders.
These people wish me some serious harm; I’m an artist. They do not like that.
I am a Liberal Realist; they are Rush Limbaugh Conservatives. I’ve already had to deal with manipulation of a mind that was not stable.
Add to this, the fact that art is part of me. I love to sell, no doubt, but it is NOT why I create. I create because I have to; it’s like breathing, for me. I create because that creation is necessary to me. It keeps me grounded, it allows me to deal with things I can’t talk about out loud.
I’m very worried about it.


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